3.3  Responsibilities of the Parish 

Goal:   To assist couples preparing for marriage to understand the wedding liturgy and to use the options that are available for a prayerful and joyful celebration of their marriage.

Guideline: Commit to basic liturgical formation of engaged couples, understanding that many of them have limited knowledge of planning a liturgy. Make clear to the couple the different rites: marriage during Mass, marriage outside of Mass, and marriage with unbaptized (See Glossary: “Rite of Marriage, The”). This will allow the engaged to better understand what they will be celebrating when they marry in the Church. 

Discussion: The parish could offer this assistance individually if there is a small number of weddings each year. However, many parishes would benefit from having various meetings scheduled throughout the year that couples are expected to attend as part of their marriage preparation. It might also be possible for this to be done on an inter-parish or deanery basis.

The content of these meetings would vary, based upon the type of parish. For some, it could be the presentation of liturgical principles and the meaning of the wedding liturgy. For others, it could take on the form of a discussion of the Scriptures used at weddings and their meaning in the lives of the couples.

It would be important to include the pastoral musician in any of these meetings. This could be a separate meeting in which musical principles are discussed and various options presented; or, if the parish does not have a pastoral musician, it could simply be the discussion of the principles of pastoral music.

Attention should be paid in particular to the community dimension of marriage. Most of what the couple has learned about their wedding day from secular media stresses individualism. By celebrating their marriage with the Christian community, the couple is asking the community to rejoice in their commitment to each other, but also promising to be a sign to that community of God’s own love. In whatever way possible, the parish should attempt to introduce couples to parish life and make the parish aware of the couples who are committing themselves in marriage. This could be through other celebrations leading up to marriage, such as periodic prayers of blessing for couples at the Sunday Eucharist, by asking them to stand before the community as an indication of their intentions and to receive the community’s blessing and support. It could be the inclusion of couples preparing for marriage in the Prayers of the Faithful or in the parish bulletin. It could also include a “mentoring program” with married couples from the parish.

Each parish should have clearly articulated policies for the celebrations of weddings. These should include policies regarding visiting musicians, basic information about the parish church, policies regarding photographers and videographers, policies regarding florists and an environment the couple might want to create with respect to the liturgical season that is being celebrated, fees to the church and when they are to be paid, donations which can be given to local charities, etc. Good policies, however, are always written positively, not only reflecting a desire to make the liturgy memorable, but also reminding couples of basic liturgical principles.

Parish policies should be in printed form and, when possible, in the appropriate language. The form should be given to the engaged couple, since frequently there is a long period of time between when the policy is first explained and when the wedding liturgy takes place.

Where it is appropriate, parishes should encourage the inclusion of ethnic customs in wedding liturgies. Since the Archdiocese is becoming an increasingly immigrant Church, we must recognize that many of these customs are held in the highest esteem by the Christian faithful, sometimes being seen as of equal importance to the exchange of consent. Without diminishing the importance of the exchange of consent, these customs should be included as much as possible.  Wedding rehearsals can be particular times of evangelization, since many times those in the wedding party have not been involved in Church activities for a while. Those who are responsible for wedding rehearsals should familiarize themselves with The Rite of Marriage so they know the various options that are available to couples (See Glossary: “Rite of Marriage, The”). These options can be “teaching tools” that allow those gathered for the rehearsal to think about what the Church means by marriage. Rehearsals can also be a time for prayer, and an opportunity for those gathered for the rehearsal to express their prayerful wishes for the couple, giving thanks for the ways that each of them have already manifested God’s love.

Those who preside at weddings should follow The Rite of Marriage, particularly with regard to the procession, the opening rites, and the exchange of consent. Couples could be encouraged to memorize their vows, if they are comfortable doing so, so that they speak for themselves and not simply repeat after the presider. They should also be encouraged to face each other during their exchange of consent and not turn their backs on the congregation at other times during the liturgy.