2.6.4  Children from a Previous (Non-Marital) Relationship

It is not unheard of today for people who have never been married before to have children from previous relationships. Regardless of any uncertainties with legal responsibilities, there are certainly moral ones. The Church cannot neglect to remind people of their moral responsibilities, especially at a time when they are taking on new ones.

Procedure

With this in mind, the following questions ought to be asked:

·         Is the future spouse aware of the responsibilities you have from your previous relationship?

·         How long ago did that relationship end?

·         What is the current relationship with the parent of the son or daughter?

·         Is the future spouse aware of what went on during the former relationship, and what factors entered into its breakdown? Was this information only from the future spouse, or has it come from other sources as well?

·         How are the obligations toward the former partner and children being met? These obligations are not limited to financial obligations. They include all aspects of parenting and of raising the children in the faith. They also include issues of justice toward the former partner.

·         What is being done to cooperate in the religious upbringing of the children of a previous relationship?

·         How does the other party feel about the person’s responsibilities toward the previous partner or children?

·         Have they discussed how the presence of children from a previous relationship might affect any children they might have of their own marriage? For example: How will the exercise of visitation rights, the payment of money to support the child or the former partner, the cooperation in the educational and religious upbringing affect future family life?

·         If a previous relationship involved physical, emotional, sexual, or substance abuse, how are those experiences affecting their present relationship?

·         Are there any issues of anger or resentment toward the mother/father of your child that need to be resolved, either by you or your spouse?

·         If the former partner and child are living in another country, it is especially important to ask how they are being supported. The Church has a particular responsibility to see to it that people are not forced into poverty due to the neglect of a former partner.

 It is especially critical that the issue of children from a previous relationship is discussed thoroughly. Sometimes this gets into very emotional issues. It might seem that this is none of the Church’s business, since the party is now seeking to start life anew. However, there are issues of justice present here that cannot be neglected. The Church has every right to ensure that justice is being done, and that previous responsibilities are being fulfilled before new ones begin.

 One further note: The Church states that parents have the responsibility of providing a Catholic education for their children. This is not limited to children born of a valid marriage; it applies to children born of any type of relationship, since it is a parental responsibility. Therefore, it is perfectly legitimate to ask the Catholic party who has a child from a previous relationship how he or she is providing for the Catholic education of their children. 

Preparation

Couples should attend a Marrying with stepchildren program, in addition to your own preparation with them. 

Paperwork

Canon 1071 §1,3° states that “a marriage of a person who is bound by natural obligations toward another party or toward children, arising from a prior union,” is to receive the permission of the local ordinary. Marriage papers should be sent to the Office for Canonical Services for a “nihil obstat,” with a cover letter explaining how these obligations are being met.