2.5  Preparation Process

The Archdiocese of Chicago recommends the following process for marriage preparation with optimum conditions and no special needs. It is presented as a guide for the pastoral minister to fashion his/her own outline with each couple. Pastors may determine who has responsibility and how to manage these contacts.

Often the initial contact is a staff person other than a pastoral minister. He/She should be hospitable and knowledgeable of diocesan and parish policies. 

Contact I: Initial Meeting

The priest or deacon is the person responsible at this first meeting. The basic role of the pastoral minister during this first session involves assisting the couple in assessing their own readiness for marriage. As the Church’s witness to marriage, the priest/deacon/pastoral associate has a serious responsibility and should make sure in the first session that there are no serious obstacles to the creation of a Christian marriage. This could include processing any required canonical papers.

However, most couples possess the emotional maturity and faith for marriage. The pastoral minister’s basic role, therefore, is to extend support and help a couple in their decision to marry. Included in that support should be instruction on the theology and spirituality of marriage.

In the initial meeting with the engaged couple, the goals of a priest/deacon/pastoral associate are to:        

• Establish a rapport and relationship with the engaged couple and show concern for them. The same person should oversee the whole process with the engaged couple.
• Create an atmosphere in which the couple can be motivated to sense the value of preparation and thus can commit themselves to it.
• Assist the couple in beginning to assess their strengths and weaknesses in terms of the marriage relationship.
• Help the couple examine their views and attitudes in light of the Gospel message. This is important for all and may be especially valuable for interfaith marriages where understanding each other’s faith traditions is helpful.
• Explain to the engaged couple the canonical requirements to celebrate a Catholic wedding in a Catholic Church.
• Give an overview of what the entire marriage preparation process will involve.
• Explain the options available for marriage preparation programs, informing the couple what to expect from such a program, having informally assessed the needs of a couple.
• Arrange a date for the wedding, having determined that there are no canonical impediments to the couple marrying in the Church.

Contact II: Administration of a Premarital Inventory

The parish staff/member or marriage preparation team/trained FOCCUS facilitator is the person(s) responsible for this meeting time. A premarital inventory (see Appendix E) is not a test or an instrument designed to measure the readiness of a couple for marriage. It is a means for allowing the couple, sometimes with the assistance of the marriage preparation minister(s), to explore and strengthen their relationship with each other before marriage. Couples are free to take a premarital inventory even before engagement. By denoting strengths and weaknesses in key areas, the premarital inventory can direct a couple to areas on which they may want to work in order to strengthen their relationship and build an even stronger marriage.

The first session of the premarital inventory is a general overview of the process and the actual completion of the inventory. The response sheets are sent for scoring and returned to the marriage preparation minister(s). (See Appendix E for where to send response sheets for scoring.) This part of the premarital inventory can be done with a group of couples and can be facilitated by a variety of people, e.g., a pastoral minister or a married couple.

Contact III: Premarital Inventory

Follow-up

At the third meeting, the parish staff/member is the responsible party. This meeting is a follow-up session with the engaged couple and the minister(s) in which they focus on the key areas for discussion. In most cases, this requires only one meeting. However, when several differences in critical areas are evident, it is appropriate to schedule more follow-up sessions.

If the premarital inventory uncovers major differences in critical areas between the couple, the couple needs to enter a period of discernment about how to proceed with the plans to marry. This may entail counseling—pastoral and/or psychological—which may be beyond the abilities of the parish minister. In such cases the couple should be referred to an appropriate professional counseling service. If the parish minister is not aware of a local professional counseling service, the Family Ministries Office will provide options for counseling services.

Having done the premarital inventory early in their preparation, the engaged couples bring a heightened awareness about their relationship to the other steps of their marriage preparation. Essentially, they are better prepared for the sessions with the pastoral minister and the couple-led programs that follow.

Contact IV: Attendance at a Marriage Preparation Program

The parish-based or diocesan marriage preparation team directs this meeting. Preparation programs enable couples to concentrate more intensely on the many facets of married life so they may be more aware of all the dimensions of marriage. The program helps engaged couples explore and determine the strengths and weaknesses of their relationship in terms of their future life together.

The topics covered within the marriage preparation programs include such components as Marriage as a Sacrament, effective communication, sexuality, Natural Family Planning, and the extended family. Volunteer married couples and priests/deacons who are trained by the Archdiocese conduct these programs. Engaged couples may participate in their parish’s marriage preparation program or one of the Archdiocesan programs (see Appendix D). It is presumed that parish ministers will explore some of these areas with the couple in greater depth.

Contact V: Christian Sexuality Seminar or Introductory NFP Seminar

This contact is for the purpose of catechizing the couple to the Church’s teaching on sexuality and proper methods of regulating birth. The couple will have the option of attending one of two seminars. One seminar deals with Christian sexuality and is presented by a qualified Catholic educator. While couples may appear to be quite sophisticated in their discussions of sexuality, experience and research indicate this is often not the case. Therefore, the inclusion of a discussion on sexuality is appropriate. While some information may be presumed, a couple’s understanding of human sexuality has often been shaped by society rather than by Church teaching. (An excellent presentation of the Church’s teaching on sexuality is found in the addresses of Pope John Paul II, contained in the book, The Theology of the Body.) This part of the preparation process “will present marriage as an interpersonal relationship of a man and a woman that has to be continually developed, and it will encourage those concerned to study the nature of conjugal sexuality and responsible parenthood, with the essential medical and biological knowledge connected with it” (Familiaris Consortio, 66).

The other seminar is an introduction to Natural Family Planning (NFP) and will be presented by a certified NFP teacher. Other resources regarding NFP can be obtained by contacting the Family Ministries Office, Natural Family Planning Ministry (see Appendices F and G).

Contact VI: Follow-up with the priest/deacon/pastoral associate

The priest/deacon/pastoral associate is the responsible person for this session. The sixth session reviews the areas already covered by the couple during their preparation. The minister can discuss with the couple any aspects of their relationship that might need further development. This is also a time to affirm the positive aspects of their relationship that have been observed thus far in their marriage preparation period.

If not already completed, a minister will also spend time taking care of the necessary canonical papers which have been explained in the initial meeting. These papers invite a discussion on the Church’s view of marriage. Finally, the minister and couple can devote time to more specific planning of the wedding liturgy. 

Contact VII: Rehearsal

The priest/deacon/pastoral associate or church volunteer will lead this session. See Chapter 3, which deals with “Celebration.”

Contact VIII: Wedding

The priest/deacon/pastoral associate is responsible for the wedding ceremony. See Chapter 3, which deals with “Celebration.”

Contact IX: Post-wedding follow-up

The priest/deacon/pastoral associate, parish mentor couple, or a facilitator of the diocesan newly married follow-up program leads this second post-wedding follow-up Session A, which should be in the first year of marriage, preferably around six months, and deals with expectations, adjustments, and building strengths. See Chapter 4, which deals with “Continuing Education.”

Contact X: Post-wedding follow-up

The priest/deacon/pastoral associate, parish mentor couple, or a facilitator of the diocesan newly married follow-up program leads this second post-wedding follow-up Session B, which should be near the end of the first year of marriage, and deals with finances, faith, and sexuality. See Chapter 4, which deals with “Continuing Education.”