Pastoral Outreach to Christian Marriage
Formation, Preparation, Celebration, and Continuing Education
2.4 Responsibilities of the Engaged Couple
Goal: To participate actively in the marriage preparation process, not just for the wedding day, but to live out their Sacrament of Matrimony
Guideline: Commit sufficient time and attention to the marriage preparation process.
Discussion: The engaged couple is expected to take advantage of the unique opportunity presented at their marriage preparation program to be among other engaged couples during their own time of engagement. Their intentions to enter into the Sacrament of Matrimony means that they understand that this moment will never happen again!
They should consider themselves “students of marriage” and be open to new learning. If the parish offers a mentoring program, the couple should be encouraged to participate. They should continue courting each other. The engagement period is a unique time of learning for the relationship; they shouldn’t focus only on the wedding day. The couple should begin to pray together, if they have not done so already, to nurture a common faith life.
The couple should be open to the invitations from the worshipping community to involve themselves in the life of the parish. They might consider taking on a service project together or consider getting involved together in one of the ministries of the parish. Perhaps they could volunteer at a parish-sponsored food pantry, homeless shelter, or soup kitchen.
The couple should also be introduced to the principles of stewardship. The parish marriage preparation minister could provide information about stewardship opportunities for couples.Goal: To reflect on their relationship to the Catholic community.
Guideline: Explore what it means to be married persons in the context of the Catholic Church.
Discussion: The Sacrament of Matrimony calls for a new relationship with the Church. Engaged couples should envision the role they will play within the faith community as married persons. There should be an expectation of something different because of the sacrament that redefines and transforms them. The marriage preparation minister should discuss this with the couple, since each couple will relate to the parish community in a unique way.
Becoming married is both leaving and cleaving. To cleave to and become one with each other, the couple must also leave their families of origin. The redefining of their social roles as a couple has already begun. The wedding clearly marks this, and establishes their new life in Christ. The reshaping of relationships often begins within their families of origin, particularly with their parents, and extends to friendships.
Entering the community of marriage also begins a new relationship with the faith community. The newly married couple cleaves to a redefined relationship with the Church. Becoming married is also a process of growing into their sacramental role with the Church.
This does not happen all at once. Though they will be getting married on a set date and time, their becoming married has already begun and will continue well into the marriage. The engagement period is a time to reflect on that becoming, the shifts and turns that are in progress, and the changes to be expected in their significant relationships.
Included in their reflections should be their role in the Church. Christian marriage is a public act of faith that speaks to the community. The engaged couple should ask themselves, “How will our marriage serve the people of God?” The engaged may need to discuss this with their pastoral minister or the married team at their marriage preparation program.
