2.3  Responsibilities of the Parish

Goal: To warmly welcome couples seeking marriage in the Church, to congratulate them on their decision to marry, and to offer the Church’s assistance in their time of preparation.

Guideline: Educate and sensitize parish staff in proper and effective contact with anyone seeking marriage in the Church.

Discussion: The first contact is critical. It is an opportunity to evangelize and bring about a richer understanding of the sacrament. The staff person, whether it is the pastor, the secretary, or someone else who happens to answer the phone, should have the necessary skills and awareness to be a welcoming presence for the couple. No one should be refused marriage over the phone. No one should be refused marriage over the phone. Church law provides that anyone with a domicile , quasi-domicile, or even one month’s residence in a parish has a right to be married there. Note: The intention of permanent residency establishes a domicile or quasi-domicile. The Archdiocese encourages parishes to establish pastoral guidelines for celebrating the weddings of parishioners’ children who no longer live in the parish. It is important to note that a positive response to young adults who have no parish affiliation can be an opportunity of evangelization and catechesis.

Goals: To ensure that the engaged have opportunities to prepare for marriage according to their particular circumstances and culture;
To provide pastoral instruction and counseling from the pastoral staff to those seeking marriage in the Church; and
To enlist the effective Christian witness to marriage from married couples as a necessary component of marriage preparation.

Guideline: Take responsibility for preparing couples for the wedding day, and assist in their lifetime commitment of living a Christian marriage. The parish minister will recommend the appropriate marriage preparation program(s) in which the couple is to participate (Archdiocesan Policies and Procedures §401.4.1.).

Discussion: The Catholic Church is the spiritual home for those who seek to marry in the Church. The parish church is the particular setting in which many of the great sacramental moments of a person’s life are celebrated. The same should be true for the celebration of the Sacrament of Matrimony. The ordinary setting for weddings is the parish church. Whether a couple is registered in the parish should not be the sole criterion for determining if a marriage should take place in the parish. The theology of baptism is far more important than parish registration. For special circumstances (e.g., disparity of cult), refer to the “Special Circumstances” section 2.6.

The Christian community has the primary responsibility for preparing engaged couples for marriage (Canon 1063). This is done under the guidance of the pastor and the rest of the pastoral staff. The pastoral minister (priest or deacon) is ultimately responsible for directing the engaged couple’s marriage preparation process. Under his guidance, the couple will find resources for a premarital inventory, register for a marriage preparation program, and explore pertinent faith issues. The pastoral minister can play a very important role in the life of a couple preparing for marriage. His continued interest in the couple and his willingness to give of himself are crucial elements in that role.

Others in the faith community share in the responsibilities of preparing the engaged for marriage. Married couples who model Christian marriage are important resources and should take part as presenters for marriage preparation programs. Married couples may become “mentor-couples” who serve as ambassadors of the parish and journey with the engaged and newly married couples. Marriage preparation is an opportunity for married couples to serve the parish and enrich their own marriages.

The bride and groom’s parents, family members, friends, and the community of the parish share in this preparation, which in reality has gone on long before engagement. The parish should encourage family and friends to recognize the preparation period as a special time of discernment and to pray for and with the engaged couple.

Visiting priests or deacons who have a relationship with the engaged couple are encouraged to participate in this preparation, as well as in the celebration of the marriage. Because the pastor is ultimately responsible to ensure that marriages are celebrated properly in his parish, he (or another member of the pastoral staff) should be consulted early in the marriage preparation process. Issues such as who is responsible for the necessary paperwork, marriage preparation, rehearsal, etc., should be discussed at that time.

Ministers of other faiths can be welcomed and invited to participate according to the ecumenical guidelines of the Archdiocese (Archdiocesan Policies and Procedures, Book IV).

Because of the many tasks and demands on both the parish minister and the engaged couple, time can be a difficulty. Yet, the importance of marriage preparation requires the efforts of both parties. To deal with the realities of time and to provide sufficient preparation, it is very important to devote adequate time to the marriage preparation sessions. These sessions are divided into two complementary components:

1)      Involvement with the parish priest, pastoral coordinator, deacon, or pastoral associate who guides the couple in their overall preparation for marriage.

2)      Involvement with programs and sessions facilitated by trained teams that include married couples who witness Christian married life. The Archdiocese offers a variety of programs led by married couples and to which the parish pastoral minister may send the engaged for marriage preparation (see Appendix D). See Appendix C for the recommended outline to follow for optimum effective marriage preparation. This outline was designed for parishes with ample resources; not all parishes will be able to follow this exactly.

Goals: To establish norms within the Code of Canon Law to allow couples adequate time to prepare for the Sacrament of Matrimony;
To provide the pastor or pastoral minister and the engaged couple an opportunity to develop a relationship with one another; and
To use a pastoral approach in determining the amount of time needed for the marriage preparation process.

Guidelines: Begin formal marriage preparation six to eight months before the anticipated date of the wedding. Archdiocesan policy requires at least four months preparation time (Archdiocesan Policies and Procedures §401.2.1).

No firm date for a wedding should be set until the conclusion of the couple’s first meeting with the parish minister (Archdiocesan Policies and Procedures §401.3.1). No date for a wedding may be set unless the parties are free to marry in the Catholic Church (see "Canonical Impediments" in section 2.6.5). While someone else often handles the recording of a date, only a person with proper pastoral training is able to determine freedom to marry and select a wedding date with the couple. Parish and archdiocesan policies and procedures should be taken into account (see Archdiocesan Policies and Procedures §403.1.1).

Discussion: Couples are encouraged to begin formal marriage prepara­tion with their parish minister as soon as possible after the announcement of the engagement. Sometimes, this can occur almost one year before the anticipated wedding date.

To ensure that a couple has time to prepare in a serious way for their marriage, it is recommended that the preparation begin six to eight months before the anticipated date of the wedding. However, parish pastoral ministers should not impose this time frame arbitrarily or without consideration of the circumstances. Pastoral responsibility lends toward cultural sensitivity and consideration of family situations when determining how much time is necessary for good marriage preparation. This is not a waiting period but a time of preparation and often a time of restoration. Therefore, it may be appropriate in some instances to determine a period of preparation that is other than the recommended six to eight months.

In some instances, this may change the practices or procedures of particular parishes. Nevertheless, it is a worthwhile change that can ensure a couple ample time to focus on and discuss the various facets of married life.

Goal: To provide opportunities for the engaged couple to participate in the spiritual life of the Church.

Guideline: The parish is where the engaged experience their relationship in the context of the Church. Therefore they should be invited to take part in the Mass and the other liturgical and devotional events and particularly to take advantage of the sacrament of penance as well as participating in the life of the parish. They should be included in prayers of the community. Inviting them to give witness to their commitment would serve the larger faith community.

Discussion: The period of engagement is a time of opportunity for the couple and the parish. It is an opportunity to evangelize and celebrate the engaged couple embarking on their faith journey of committed love. How the parish welcomes and includes the engaged is critical.

However, that inclusion should be more than just good hospitality. The parish is where the engaged experience their relationship in the context of a community of faith. Therefore they should be invited into the spiritual life of the parish. The parishioners should be aware of the couples who are preparing for marriage, so that they may pray for them and support them. This could be by including them in the prayers of the faithful, having a commitment ceremony for them, or blessing their engagement according to the Book of Blessings.

The parish can offer service opportunities, such as assisting in catechesis, working at a PADS shelter, serving as ushers, etc. In this way the engaged may serve the community together. This service is not just for the good of the community; it is also for the benefit of the couple. They experience transformation in their relationship and individually. With guided reflection by the parish minister, they derive meaning from their service experience that feeds their faith. This is an opportunity for adult faith formation.

Goal: To present the parish as a resource that will assist the couple when they are facing difficult times in their marriage.

Guideline: Despite the best efforts to marry well and offer support to married couples, divorce is a reality in our culture. Many of the couples getting married today have not seen a lifelong marriage in their own families. The daily challenges of being married often seem too much for the newly married couple.

Discussion: The greatest number of divorces occurs in the first five years of marriage. A couple in a troubled marriage often does not know what to do about it or they are too embarrassed to admit there are problems. The person who helps prepare them for this life together can also be available to them after the marriage. Letting the couple know during the time of preparation that there could be difficulties as they learn to adjust to married life and their new “family culture,” gives them a connection to their preparation time with the pastoral minister and will invite them to seek help if needed. The pastoral minister is a helpful resource to solving many difficulties before they become huge problems, and potentially a source of comfort to them.

Each parish can have a list of resources such as Retrouvaille, The Third Option, counselors, AA, and Al-Anon groups to offer to couples in trouble.